the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
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