guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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