i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
