he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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