i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
