some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
