I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
