You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
