He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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