I just threw up on my dentist
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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