i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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