Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
