I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
