first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
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