so let's talk penis.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
