Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
OPIZZABONMYDICK
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
