____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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