Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize
