I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
you inspire me to be a worse person
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
