they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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