The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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