so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Randomize
