Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
