i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
