I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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