One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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