goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
