Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize