I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
