My room smells like vodka and shame
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
