I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
