And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
