ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
