Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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