I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
