HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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