i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
