now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
