I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
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