My girlfriend figured out who you are.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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