I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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