Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
