I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
