Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Randomize
