We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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