i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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