you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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