I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
