it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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