Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
