Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
