i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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