Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
