Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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