i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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