So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
