I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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