i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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