Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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