i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
stop calling my apartment porn island.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
