Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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