names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
