Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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