You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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