Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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