I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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