Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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