hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
