Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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